Our summer season is coming to a
close. Most colleges are back in session
and local pre-college students will return to the hallowed halls of academic
learning this week. As the amount of
daylight decreases, we bid adieu to vacation time and welcome the routine of
autumn. (Well, maybe “welcome” isn’t the
word everyone would use—I’m more inclined to use the word “tolerate”.)
Elmira also sadly bids adieu to the
good Sisters of the Dominican Monastery; they have been a presence in Elmira
for about 70 years. As much as we hate
to see them go, the leaving must be more difficult for them. It’s never easy to leave behind friends and
the familiar in order to enter a new phase of life. Adjustments are challenging to say the least.
Their chaplain, Fr. Tony Breen, will
also be leaving Elmira. Fr. Tony has
been a great help in the area—Elmira, Horseheads, Corning, Painted Post and no
doubt elsewhere. He has presided at
weekend Masses, weekday Masses, funerals, and Masses at Skilled Nursing
Facilities and Senior residences. He has
helped with Confessions and Communal Penance Services and served as the
Chaplain to the local chapter of the Knights of Columbus. He has shared time with the area priests and
parishioners and we have all benefited from his friendship and wisdom.
Good-byes are not easy.
However, they are part of life. We’ve all experienced them in various
ways. Whether it’s a loved one who has
passed from this life or a family member or friend who moves away, we dread the
adjustment required to a life without them.
Sometimes we are the ones who move away.
Learning to let go is challenging and painful, and most of us are at
least a little resistant (maybe a lot resistant). There’s no tried and true formula for making
grieving easy—it’s different for each person.
But we must work through it; otherwise we remain in a state of grief for
the rest of our lives and that prevents us from experiencing the joys that life
offers us.
It was back in 1969 that Elisabeth
Kubler-Ross published On Death and Dying, the
landmark book that has helped us understand the emotions attached to loss. Dr. Kubler-Ross identified the stages
associated with grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, finally,
acceptance. While we commonly associate
the stages with physical dying, they apply to any impending loss in our
lives. (There is no particular order
that a person follows in dealing with the stages.)
Some of us have moved a fair amount in
our lives; others have pretty much remained in Elmira all lifelong. But no one has been exempt from
good-byes. I learned through my own
journeying that some people are life-long friends; others are very good friends
for a period of time—then life circumstances enter and contact ceases. In a way that’s sad, of course, but also
natural. Humans have a tendency to want
to hold on to friendships forever, but that’s not the way it’s meant to
be. We don’t have the time or the energy
to keep in close contact with all the people who’ve made a difference in our
lives. Maybe that desire for forever is
something that God plants within us so that we grasp the reality of God’s
promise of eternal life.
Letting go is painful, but it’s not
bad. Unpleasant, yes, but not bad. Sin is “bad”; that which leads us away from
God is “bad”. Pain itself is not sinful
nor does it lead us away from God. In
fact, it can lead us (if we so choose) toward God as we realize how finite we
are in our physical being. We are more
than body; we are soul, created in the image and likeness of God. God is ever calling us to union with Him in
the hereafter.
While grief is necessary as we say
“Good-bye” to our friends at the Dominican Monastery, an attitude of
thanksgiving for their presence these many years will serve us much better than
dwelling on the sadness evoked.
Have a blessed . . . and thankful . .
. week . . .
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